weary with right-angles
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this blog by: Lisa
Monday, August 15, 2005
2:13 PM:
I had such a weird dream last night. It involved a killer on the loose and a houseful of people getting murdered, but me pretending to be dead so the killer passed over me. A couple of other people escaped too. Then some other stuff happened. I think I have a lot of issues I need to work out.
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Saturday, June 11, 2005
1:12 AM:
I want to go swimming but I don't know what time is late enough to go so the fat lady won't bother me. I don't understand people sometimes. Like some people want to prevent other people from having a good time, even if it doesn't hurt or affect anybody. Some people don't know how to communicate properly and are cowards. I will never be a coward. I learn vicariously through others' mistakes. Can I still be friends with someone I know has done cowardly things? I suppose so; but it is different because I will never have a good respect for them again. I have felt weird this past week. I'm not sure why. I am just waiting for September I suppose.
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Sunday, June 05, 2005
2:14 PM:
Man it was so weird. I just had to give everyone attention last night. I think I would be a slut if given the right opportunities. I can't stand for people to be left out. I want everyone to have a good time. I feel stupid after I sober up because I realize that I probably made some people uncomfortable. Or maybe I am just making things up and since they were not sober either, they were not uncomfortable. Or maybe I overanalyze it. I had a lot of fun last night. With Tyler and Jared and Jennifer and Lyndsay and Nancy and man, however many other people were there. I enjoyed all of their company. Tyler said we should have done something completely uninhibited and crazy while we were drunk. I wasn't to that level of drunkenness, but maybe at some point I will do something entirely uninhibited. That would be an experience.
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Friday, June 03, 2005
11:45 AM:
Naomi's party was fun; I really enjoyed myself. I am going to miss Sarah. I said bye to her and then took Lisa home and then I realized that I should have taken longer to say goodbye since it will be three months until I see her again and after that, who knows. ....Oooooooohhh well. I'm sure she will understand.
I cut myself into pieces and don't let anyone see every part. If I did that, they might actually understand a little and I certainly don't want that to happen. There are different versions of myself walking around and different people know different versions. What would happen if they met? Maybe there would be some kind of explosion.
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Thursday, June 02, 2005
12:21 AM:
I finished the second part. I realized something I had always known. It gives me perspective. I feel refreshed.
In March of 2003, I wrote, "I often think that humor is a pretense...something feigned by people so that they do not have to face the grim reality that they live in...The weird thing is that I am not entirely opposed to this form of dealing with reality.I suppose I completely understand what they are trying to do...And seriously, I really don't think they are any worse than anyone else. Because I understand why they do it. I suppose it does the rest of the world good if it serves as comic relief to anyone."
I read a lot of Stranger in a Strange Land tonight, partly because I wanted to finish it, but also partly because lately I myself have felt like a stranger in a strange land. The whole conclusion of part 2, the entire point, was that. He didn't understand laughter, but then he did. It's the only way to keep from feeling hurt, he said. And it's true. In general, people laugh at things that should make them sad, not at things that make them happy. I had realized this before (obviously) and I'm sure a good number of people think this is not such a groundbreaking idea. But to me, it explains a lot. About myself, and maybe about all these other people that I sometimes just do not grok.
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